Attack of the Vigilant Do-gooder!!

Well, last week I put on my safari cap and set a course for the meandering Ron river of public transport to find out more about our specimen in its natural habitat. And wouldn’t you know it, he wasn’t that hard to find. 3 stops down at Holland village. I spotted him. The vigilant do-Goode. Strategically seated next to the priority seat; so that when he does give his seat, you feel that much worse. Observing his mannerism over the next few stops, it hit me. Hey! Hang on! He isn’t really a do-Goode, he’s only pretending! Don’t think so? Well, let me break down his modus operandi and you’ll begin to see what I mean.

Step 1: Scanning the train. Now this is step very important. We think he’s looking out for ill old ladies. Ho ho ho boy did we get that wrong! He’s not interested in any old hag, he’s looking out for one thing and one thing only. Chic buy. That’s right Chic bus. The more the better. Upon spotting said Chic buy, We have step 2: now this step is the essential. I cannot stress this enough. If step 2 cannot be accomplished, he will not buy looking at me? If she is.. THE TIME TO STRIKE IS NIGH!! Old ladies, pregnant women, slightly overweight ladies.. Anyone fitting the bill nearby. O one is safe from is sudden moral clarity. His reward? That warm gooey feeling in the heart for ‘doing the right thing’? Warm and gooey alright, but it’s a little down south if you know what I mean. He’s not happy to have done the good deed. He’s smiling cause he’s thinking “way, that Chic buy is probably thinking what a sweet caring and nice guy I am! She’s probably wishing she could be my girlfriend! I know! I’ll stare Judging at the other guys to assert my authority as the alpha male of social consciousness! Girls like the alpha male right? Yea that’s right!